Infect

Nothing could protect my mind
perceiving lies as truth

These truths nestled in approval
the heart of my youth

There they rooted and in time
bore fruit that made the muse

And calloused eyes cast aside
hope with quiet reproof

Reruns

And you run
the sequence
again and again
Forming the words
but tasting the ash
Mewling alone
at another lost chance
Laying awake
considering the past
Deceiving yourself
it was for the best
Immovable, caught
in a loop of regret

Untitled

The expansive sky
yawns infinity
canvas for the unknown
the neon cross
provides no answers
against the blue
the eye anchors
reflected in the mind

The forest valley
hides the way
the unknown shelter
the walled tent
removes the pleasure
sharing the earth
another structure
avoiding escape

The city proper
confuses the mind
all is measured
the party rages
fly spirit, soaring
dancing to time
generous to instinct
but roughly confined

Strange Sensation

is that a "nothing matters" feeling, again?
where i've anchored in
that "quiet despair" moment
of being nothing,
remote
drifting.
enhanced by knowing
the distance
between all things in their relatability,
and still knowing
how symbiotically we all exist.
that while, my existence is
predicated
ultimately on quantifiable relationships,
played out with pageantry both obscure
and familiar,
i still live in
frustration,
reaching out
knowingly into the gulf,
and taking back nothing
but the truth;
and nothing i want to
hold on to

i think this feeling might
exist at all times,
and only in unguarded lucid moments
does it come to the fore.
when i'm not bent on feeding
my impulses, and truly tired
for the effort.
like the resignation
of a dieing animal
when all hope is exhausted
after it's frenetic final moments.
only then, am i willing
to give in
to the truth.

or is it more exact
like a magnifying glass;
my inner observer
moving randomly about,
prising open some abstract
part of me:
my confusion, my denial
to strike down on
the nerve
resolutely pinning it
like some recalcitrant
worm, forced into exhibition,
wriggling against restraint,
scaffolded in empty space
stripped bare of
mental minutia and  conflicting senses,
given uncloudy pause
to gape
at the truth.

and i feel it again
the great foreboding
like
a portal opened by anxiety
and kept ajar
by gently forced acceptance.
transfixed in understanding,
i observe across the threshold
not some astounding revelation
but a cold, and excessive conclusion
of what the world will be
without me.

and it looks the same.

Untitled

lonely

stardust?

angry stardust

restless stardust

discarded

shed

from celestial bodies

celestial?

terrestrial

pedestrian stars

made us

awe

at the dead

heavens

relax

then expire

Untitled

Crazy, but not crazy
as a ward suggests,
but crazy to detest
the realm of society

that lonely only found
without, about on the
fringes
seeking solace with
solitude

to look out and see
what it means
is not a personal plot
but to live a dream
within billions

Why the Title?

I am the amalgam of thoughts and genetic material of others. My opinions, and point of view, derived from my particular perception of events, processed through a matrix of prejudices and tolerance, that  were gained through experiencing reality. Or, as someone once told me: "You are who are, where you came from, when."

The point I suppose is derivation. That no one particular thought is mine to claim, as uniquely my own, but was the product of many jumbling phrases and experiences, out-put to my source. That any other observer riding my exact spot, leading my experience would come to similar conclusions, and give similar voice.

There is a lot to that thought. It makes some assumption about the concepts of free-will, identity and consciousness, and touches on the nature of ideas and of social evolution. I'm not taking any big swings at these topics, as I would not be breaking any new ground. I think if you have been following along, you can intuit where they fit into what I have written and why. If this blog is deemed worthy of questions however, I could answer how these conclusions came about.

What I am trying to impress upon you is expressed in quotes like: "If I have seen farther, it is because I have stood on the backs of giants." It is the intent to place a perspective, on the value of that which came before, as integral to genesis of that which came after. I would add, however: "irrespective of what form the newer product takes." If you imagine that line of thinking: every experience someone has had, is constituent in generating what and who they are now.

But I feel I am beating a dead horse.

A bit much to understand the title of my blog: Amalgam of Earlier Entry's, but y'know.. words is fun. I do occupy this spot of mine; I am the vector of my experience. I am one of almost 7 billion, and rising. I would like to share my particular space, and do some credit to those I've been within earshot or eyesight of, absorbing intimately or from afar. Those "Earlier Entry's", unsubmitted but alive in some way or another through my expression.

I hope none of that was clear.